2015 - That's a Wrap

The year, as it tends to always do,time has flown by. Seems amazing how much has changed in a relatively short amount of time.

Things that are awesome

• My kids are doing wonderfully - in academics through their move up to middle school (the 12 year olds), or in their adult careers (the 24 and almost 23 year old); in adjusting to life with divorced parents, in navigating the tween years and their changing awkward bodies (back to the 12 year olds...I think). So, in general, they are wonderful in life. Status quo is a great thing in this case. I couldn't be more proud or love them more. Yet I know that when tomorrow comes, I will.
• I am dating a wonderful man. In fact I'm dating him again. I'm keeping all further commentary on that private, but suffice it to say, I'm beyond shocked that we are together and I am very, very happy. 
• I have a new (ish) job. Same company, but a different position, division, boss, and teammates. All of these facts make me happy and most importantly, make me feel a lot more positive and rewarded about my career and my company. Wow I needed that. 

Things that suck

• My friend Dan died this year. Of course I've had friends, family, colleagues, acquaintances pass away before, but this one was definitely different. My college friend; someone who was briefly a former boyfriend who happened to by gay - an obvious fact that I choose to ignore at the time because we were having fun. He struggled with this fact, and I believe led significantly to his alcoholism, an addiction that killed him at the too young age of 44. He died alone, broke and broken. I'm so sad, and I think I always will be. Though we didn't see each other enough over the past few years in particular. I will always have guilt for not helping him. I will always miss him. 
• My ongoing battle of the bulge is, well, ongoing. Last year I ended the year lighter and stronger than this year. The "fat and happy" curse kicked in to some degree. Add on the injuries, complex schedule, and lazy aspects, and you have a perfect combination for lack of success. My clothes from last year still fit...technically...but they are not comfortable. My battle wages on, and I will keep up the fight and aim to win in 2016, but still for now, it sucks. 

So all in all, I'm ending the year feeling like life happened, I survived it and I think survived it well. I'm looking forward to next year, and I'm looking back. largely with a smile on my face. Cheers to you 2015. As for you 2016....bring it.   

En Suite It Is

I'm beginning the following entry on April 12, 2015. End date as of this initiation is unknown, but hopefully will be in early June. Did my wish come true....???

POST SCRIPT - NOPE! 

Did you know that a bathroom connected to a bedroom is called an "en suite?" Or is it just when it's connected to a master bedroom? Either way, I didn't know that term until recently when I would catch the occasional guilty pleasure episode of "Love It Or List It." Probably bad that I didn't know that, because I have one, and privacy for personal grooming is definitely a luxury that is worthy of a fancy French title. (Well, as much privacy as a person can have when married and/or with small children.) Recently though, that beautiful luxury started to slip away when my shower began leaking, profusely, into my kitchen. As I was now the single owner of my house I choose to at first handle it the way any responsible adult would - I ignored it. But when it started to become too obvious and consistent a problem, I caved and started calling repair people. I'm going to fast forward through 6 months of torture and just say this - home owners insurance is a joke, public adjusters are helpful but a pain, and beware of over-friendly damage remediation servicemen. Bottom line, that leak was there longer than I knew, the resulting black mold and water damage were effecting three rooms, and the only way to fix everything was to gut the bathroom and damaged areas. The dollar signs were choking me. But it was the home's original bathroom and probably was well overdue for a face lift anyway. The too small stall-type shower always bugged me and I never used the whirlpool tub. Not to mention that,  though the space was nice, it was not well planned. Plus, I was feeling the need to freshen things up all across my life. So with this onward and upward attitude I embarked on my new project to achieve Fabulous Masterbath Living, or for short, Project FML. 

I decided that since I am tremendously bad at home decor and design, chronicling Project FML here in blog-land could either be a way to relieve my inevitable stress of the situation, or a way for you (still haven't publicized this blog yet so not sure who "you" is) to laugh at me. Either way, enjoy my next few weeks of torture. I'm told the whole thing will take 6 weeks. I'm assuming 8. Goal is to be back in my bathroom by June 1st. Here we go!

April 13th -The Prequel

Out with the old. And the ugly. And the leaking. And the too-small-to-even-shave-my-legs shower. And the hasn't-been-used-in-10-years whirlpool tub. And the unneeded linen closet. See ya later! Cabinets emptied, window treatments down, bath mats up. Let's do this.

April 14th, Day One - Destruction

This morning I handed my house key to a man with a ZZ Top type beard, gauge earrings, and more tattoos than I could easily count without him catching me (again). But my contractor says Ed is cool, so Ed now has full access to my house. Should I be worried that in less than 4 hours he single-handedly ripped out every bit of my bathroom? And I mean everything. When they say down to the studs, they mean, down to the studs. Nothing, nada, zip-a-dee-do-da is left. Kinda cool! My boys were very disappointed they missed all the activity which I'm sure/hoping at some point involved some serious power tools. All I know is that Ed has my key, I'm unsure where most of what was once part of my bathroom even is now, and I am very overwhelmed about all the stuff I need to buy to replace it. Starting with the tiles I picked out,  I really hope they don't look stupid because I'm going to live with them, like 'em or not. My initial trips to Home Depot, Lowes, and a few specialty stores nearly left me in tears. All I know is I want pretty neutral things. Beige is big in my house. I'm not proud of this, but it feels safe for me. I'm more of a "add a pop of color with an accent pillow" kind of a decorator.  Oh well, guess I'll see how this goes. For now, it's stud-city, and a bit dusty in my bedroom. I intend to stay in that bedroom, but it may require more frequent cleaning. Wasn't counting on that...

April 15th - Day 2, Mold be Gone

Not that I was paranoid that the black mold was wafting down onto my food like flakes of pepper through the faux ceiling I had makeshifted together since last August, but I think for the health of my family I'll be sleeping a bit more soundly tonight now that the mold has been eradicated. And I seriously don't think I've ever met a nicer, more thorough and professional service man than Matt from EcoTech. I may actually do a review on Yelp or something, I was that impressed. The only bummer is there a giant hole from what was my bathroom down into my kitchen. The kids love it, and have invented a new ball toss game called Holey Ball. (My kids creativity may have been stunted by the aforementioned mold situation).Note to self, see if I can get the painter over here this week to start that dry wall ceiling patch stuff. I'm sure he's just twiddling his thumbs waiting for my call. 

View from my bathroom floor, looking down into my kitchen. That's my son Ryan, who is laying on the kitchen counter looking up at me. So glad one of us finds this new direct access from upstairs to down to be "totally awesome."

April 20th - The tub

I showed the contractor dude pictures and descriptions of the tubs I’d narrowed down to. He then told me the one to order. Today he told me he selected the wrong one. Oh sure, no problem, I'll just run that giant $800 bowl of porcelain right back to the Home Depot. No problem. Maybe this time you could give me the correct information? 

April 21st – Jesus Mary and Joseph….the Dust!

Holy God I’ve never in my life seen so much dust in one space, and that space is my God damn bedroom. I thought I could sleep through it, ignore the thickness in the air. But after spending last night choking it in, coupled with the never ending thought of laying in sheets covered in a thickening blanket of it, I am done. So, I’m moving into my stepsons/spare room for the next few days. And heading to the store for some ultra power anti-allergen laundry detergent.

April 22nd….

…and a fresh can of Endust. 

April 23rd…..

…and a portable air purifier.

April 24th - Hallway Toilet

In many ways, having a toilet in the hallway I suppose could be seen as convenient, or embraced as "open concept," but for me, it feels quite white trash. I suppose true WT wouldn't have a hallway in their trailer, but still. I'm slowly but surely accepting this mess of an upstairs is going to get worse before it gets better. I'm not a neat freak (not REALLY) but still, this chaos is making my already delicate mental state teeter on the edge of insanity. I'm sure I have some Xanax around here somewhere. Where was it last? Oh yes, in the (former) medicine cabinet of my (former) master bathroom. Son of a...

April 27th - The bench

Ok, it’s starting to look like something in here now. The shower and tub frame are in and one of the parts I’ve been most excited to see is here – the bench in my shower. Yes, the idea for it was motivated by the sweet thought of a place to rest my foot as I shave my legs, something that I was desperately lacking in my old stall shower. But, if I’m being honest, I was also looking forward to a place to sit my naked butt down and chill as the shower water ran over me after a long day. Or when my neck muscles were on fire…which is often. Or when I just wanted to be lazy and needed more wake-up time. So today I finally got to see the frame of it all built…and I’m not digging it. It’s actually too big, cuts into the space at the entrance of the shower. Crap. Thank god my contractor was nice about it and said he can cut it down into a smaller corner space. And suddenly I’m grateful he screwed up the tub order so that he had no leg to stand on in protest. Or bench on which to sit his butt. 

May 1st – Tile Torture

I knew I’d fuck this part up. Or was it the lady at the tile shop? Either way, the tile is here and it’s wrong. The shower floor tile and accent tile is right, but the big floor and wall tile is gray, not beige. Same design, wrong color. MOTHER FUCKER!!! Did I mention this big, critical step was about to start tomorrow? Glad I was working from home this morning so I could spend all my spare time running my ass back to the store and arrange for a reorder, return, and re-plan of the process. Pretty sure this may make my credit card explode. Tile should be here in 3-5 business days which means Project FML is basically on hold for a week. Wonder if I can get the painter in to start on the downstairs ceiling and repainting my and my sons bedrooms. Oh did I forget to mention I added those projects as well? And that the new windows I planned on getting for the bathroom only has now become new windows for the entire upstairs? The snowball effect is real people. And it is fucking expensive.

May 8th - Restart
I got an email that the new tile is in, but my contractor took a small job while he was waiting, and that job isn’t quite complete yet. Of course. If I don’t see him or his peeps here on Monday, I’m going postal.

May 12th - Getting somewhere

Oh thank God. The (correct) tile is at my house and we’re off and running. Every day there’s more done and it’s starting to look really real. Really! 

May 18th - I’m over it

Over sleeping in Teddy’s room in a bed that’s too hard. Done with having to put flip flops on to walk into my room to avoid the plastic tarp on the floor that is covered in that blanket of dust. Sick of sharing a bathroom with two tweens and their bad pee aim. Tired of having my garage taken over by a sea of tools, a giant table saw, accompanying saw dust, and boxes of wrong tile waiting to be returned. Angry at tripping over extension cords and garbage pails and drop clothes and paint cans. I’m. Just. DONE! But they are not. In fact if feels like they’re not even close. Project FML – damn I was smarter than I thought when I came up with that one.

May 21th – Shower Glass

Ordered. And it’s the last big purchase. Should be in by the first or second week of June. Slightly off my goal of June 1^st but given the tile delay, I can’t complain. Though I’m pretty sure this whole blog entry has been one big complaint. I’m sorry. Almost done with that.  Especially since I do feel like now that it’s all coming together it’s making me, dare I say, happy! Plus my sinks and faucets and cabinet and mirrors have all arrived, and now just waiting to be installed. It’s a good day in the land of Project FML and I’m finally starting to see the fabulous part come to life. Yep, I’ll call it a win for now. But can I still complain about not being back in my bedroom? I really miss my bed.

May 26th – The (missing) Knee Wall

I’ve been thinking that it’s a bit odd that they were laying all the floor tile down before they installed the knee wall that my contractor was supposed to add next to the toilet. You know, for some semblance of modesty while one is dropping a deuce. So, I casually asked when it will go in. He responded, “Um, last week….” Yup, he forgot. Luckily he was gracious about it and admitted his error. And, perhaps in an attempt to make up for the mistake, or maybe because he was just feeling creative, he went above and beyond and built me a kickass multi-purpose one. Not only do I now have a bit of poop time privacy, but I’ve got some handy storage too. Plenty of space for extra TP, wipes, air fresheners, and the all important reading material. Oh don’t even feign that you don’t read on the potty. It’s like nose picking. We all do it, but no one wants or needs to see you in the act. Thus, the wall. 

June 10th – Windows…and my bed!

A very loud day in the house, tough to take work conference calls, but having almost all the windows in and looking so pretty is making me very happy. Almost as happy as the fact that I’m moving back into my bed. The dust situation is now calm(er), or at least under control, the plastic tarps put up and major pieces of bathroom guts going in soon. Oh sweet body contouring adjustable mattress, my dear sweet fluffy pillows, all covered in freshly laundered April Fresh sheets…get ready, mama’s all yours tonight. 

June 19th  - So very, very close

Tub – check! Tile –check! Painting – check! Cabinet – check! Toilet – check! Faucets, (you guessed it) – check! Holy cow, it’s almost done! With the exception of the shower (glass still pending), it’s ready for use. Spending this weekend filling the cabinet drawers, putting up the window treatments, and general décor. I’ve never been so excited to take a pee and brush my teeth.

June 26th – Shower glass delay

Hardware is back-ordered. Not that the contractor or glass people bothered to let me know this proactively. Took several messages to get someone to call me back and let me know why I am still showerless. Waiting, waiting, waiting….

July 16th - Today's the Day.... Shower Glass, the end!

PSYCHE! Are you kidding me? I mean, seriously, are you fucking kidding me? These God damn people were here for 4 hours doing the installation, and in the end it still wasn't done. It seems Mr. Glass didn't template correctly and the door doesn't fit. Three of the 4 pieces are up, and the only thing left is the door,..and I am yet again denied. He wanted to know what I thought of the work so far. "Beautiful, isn't it?" I told him I now know what blue balls feels like. Ok, no, I didn't say that, but I really wanted to. He promised to be back in a week with the new door. Looking forward to seeing him in August. 

July 31st - HALLELUJAH! 

Technically he missed my sarcastic August date by one day, but the shower door is in! I can’t open it for two days, but still. Oh, hey, that does officially put me in August for the conclusion of Project FML doesn’t it? Almost 4 months. Four Fucking Months. This better be the best God damn shower of my life. But it does look pretty, so for now, I’m a happy girl.

August 2nd – The Grand Finale – Shower Day!

Absolutely, 100%, completely, fully DONE AND USABLE. Best shower of my life even if I’m not totally happy with the power of the new shower head (dammit, so close). I’m declaring Project FML and all it’s snowballed side projects officially FINISHED. And how (en) sweet it is!

Da do run, run, run

3/25/15
I just can't call myself a runner. To me, that's someone who runs marathons, or half marathons, or gets that "runners high" while they're in the act of it. These people are fit, taught, happy, and energetic. And accordingly, many, many of them are super duper annoying. However, I do run for exercise. Again, I'm not a runner, but it's become something that is part of who I am. And frankly, it's carried me through one of the tougher times of my adult life. I feel like I owe it some blog time. Maybe as a thank you, maybe as a reminder if I ever fall off the wagon completely how much it once meant to me. For whatever reason, this is my non-runners story. 

About 5 years ago I started jogging on the treadmill. I had been working out consistently for about a year - which in and of itself was a big fucking deal for me because it was the first time in all my life I was doing that regularly. But running always scared the shit out of me. I knew I had problem feet so why would I purposely try the one form of exercise that was literally the hardest on my poor tootsies? But the treadmill at the gym had a TV on it, so what the hell. Somehow, some way, I started to like it. And let me be clear....I didn't like the act, in fact, I still don't. But I do like, no, I love, how I feel afterward. THAT's when I get the runners high. My lungs feel more open, the endorphin's pumping through me gives me a noticeable improved mood that lasts for hours, and the accomplishment of going a bit further, a bit faster plays right into my competitive nature. So, still very much to my own surprise, I kept it up, me, a treadmill, and my shitty flat feet. 

In between then and now, my left foot got the best of me, and I had to have surgery to fix a shredded tibial tendon (though in the process, I actually got an arch for the first time in my life - yay!). Recovery from the surgery was rough though, and it took almost a year to get back to my routine. But once I did, I was happy again and decided to try and push myself to actually setting a goal and tracking progress. It was a relatively small goal actually, a 5k - 3.1 miles - and I got there, albeit slowly, averaging about 35-40 minutes to do it. Really, not a great time, but the point was I could do it and that was enough. Well, sort of. I had to admit, I was secretly jealous of my friends that were actual runners. Seeing them post pictures of their races on Facebook made me want to be them. And of course, they looked great. Did I mention the fit, taught, happy thing? I'd been psyching myself up to do an official race, any race would do. in the fall of 2013 I finally signed up for a Thanksgiving Day Turkey Trot. Race day came and....I chickened out, or is that turkey'd out,  because it was so cold and I didn't know what to expect. And frankly, for unrelated reasons I was in a pretty bad mental state at the time too, so the whole thing just made me retreat in to my little corner. But hey, I'd made it to registration - that had to count for something. 


2014 became my year. It was a year of transition for me in many ways, and I was forging new, uncharted territory in a lot of my life. Seemed like the time was right to try a race again. I decided one that wasn't a "real" race was the way to go, and that I'd do it with someone fun so that if I couldn't run it, I'd have fun anyway. Enter, the Run or Dye race. It. Was. AWESOME! I had a ball, got all sorts of colorful with the dye packs, and had a ton of laughs with my niece Heather who I forced to do it with me, and most importantly, I ran the whole thing. I didn't time myself, I didn't care, but it definitely got me motivated to try more. 

  

I wanted to see if I could do 1 race a month until the weather got rough, which would have given me 5 or so. By the end of 2014 I'd done nine. Me, nine races. Nope, still wasn't fast, but I kept at it, and I did improve, eventually finishing in under 30 minutes which, too, was awesome. On my own, I was running longer distances too. The feeling of accomplishment was tremendous, I was surprised by delighted by the kudos and support by friends and family, was bonding with long lost friends who I reconnected through some of the race events, and had to admit, my clothes were fitting better without a whole lot of modification to my diet. SCORE! Bottom line, running gave me a lot of positivity at a time that otherwise might have been very dark. It saved me last year, and if I never run again I'll be forever grateful I did it. 

My favorite race of 2014 - The "Run First, Wine Later" in New Hope, PA.
5k in 29:04 followed by a wine and food festival at the finish line. What's bad about that?

In the meantime, I'm still hitting the road, or treadmill, or track, or wherever I can go, though sadly, not as intensely. I still have two races under my belt this year, and have at least two more I'm committed to. In fact, one of them is a 10k. Not sure if I'll be ready, but it's there, and if I have to walk some of it, so be it. And though I miss the frequency of that post-run high, I'll take it here and there when I can, you know, just run with it. :)

Blogfully yours, 
Julie

Words To Hate And Why

For some unknown reason the subject of words that people hate has been a common discussion lately from a variety of friends. I started a list, both of my own contribution and from others, mostly because I wanted to analyze the why behind the hate. In some cases, it was clear. In others, not so much. I was originally going to post this out to my Facebook circle for assistance, but decided against it. Mostly because there may be ones on here that people I know use regularly and I wouldn't want to offend them. HA, yeah right, I almost believed that. Truth is I just want to be able to solve this mystery my own damn self and being able to edit this post as I do.

So, here's my starter list, with rationale and/or commentary. Or is it my complete list? You'll never know...

Moist - By far, this is the most hated of the hated words. I've seen not one but several articles written on the subject, and the bottom line is that the words conjures up the feel, sound, and in some cases smell, of several of life unpleasantries. Frankly, this word is only acceptable when talking about cake, and even then it’s borderline gross.

Damp - See above, though never should be used in reference to food.
Puke - Makes a person look and sound not just disgusted, but angrily so when they say it. The sound too, is too close the sound made during the actual act. 

Supper - Do you live in the big woods of Minnesota in the 1880’s? Or in the deep south next to Honey BooBoo? No? Then call it dinner.

Turgid - Know it? You’ve just outted yourself as a reader of Harlequin Romance Novels. So I'm told. No I seriously haven't! Ok, moving on...

Flaccid - Hmmm…if this is part of your vernacular, well, I’m sorry to hear….
Pimple - The immediate image of a red inflamed mountain in desperate need of exploding combined with the scare of pubescent anxiety of having too many of these thing makes this a no go. Ironic though, because I love to pop them. Used to chase my sister around the house so that I could pop hers. (Have I completely grossed you out yet? Think I'm totally disgusting. Trust me, I'm scratching the surface.)
Dump - Obviously, this word is slang for pooping. That in and of itself ruins it for all other, legitimate meanings. Way to go slang world. Now when "dump" is used to describe a place where garbage or junk goes to die, or the act of getting rid of something undesirable, people automatically think of taking a shit.
Ointment - The image is conjures up is that of a wet, slimy product. One that is...what's the word I'm looking for? Oh, yeah - moist. 'Nuff said.
Panties - I'm stumped as to the rationale on this one, truly. All I know is that I feel a little creepy when I say it. For the most part, I just stick to talking about my underwear and keep the child molester word out of it.

More? I know there are. But for now, I'll call it a night.

Blogfully yours,
Julie

Winter, you're a...BAD!

When my stepsons were young, like three and four years old, they were fighting with each other one day, over something silly, I'm sure. Since their sibling bickering was not something new, we only half paid attention, mostly just to catch any signs of the fighting escalating into something more physical. And though this particular fight never got to that level, we could hear that Tyler, the younger of the two, was starting to get very frustrated with his brother Teddy. So much so that he was literally at a loss for words, wanting to call his brother a nasty name but tongue tied and annoyed. Finally, he got out the only thing he could come up with, yelling "Teddy....you're a....BAD!" It was so innocent, yet so perfectly expressed just how he was feeling, and we all understood exactly what he meant. From that day on, when someone or something has gotten me so beyond frustrated that I can't adequately articulate my exasperation, that is the expression of choice. 

So then, it is with complete aggravation that I say this - Winter, you are a BAD! And trust me, that is definitely the nicest thing I can say about you right now.  Because frankly, I fucking hate you, Winter. Yesterday, after the flight that was going to take me and my twins to sunny Florida was cancelled, thus ruining 5 days of vacation plans, I was irate, and so very sad. At first I blamed Mother Nature. But you know what, she brings me Spring, Summer, and my very favorite Fall. So I'm not going focus so much on that mythical bitch (hmmmm, guess I am still a little pissed off at her, too). Instead, I will try and keep my focus on just Winter, and why she is such a bullshit season. There are many reasons, but here's my main points:

• The cold. Cold air hurts. It HURTS! When I step outside, my skin shouldn't tighten in painful fear, but that's exactly what happens. The sting of the wind against my face feels like I'm being slapped over and over and over. I can't see, because my eyes tear from the bitter temperature and wind, so it's a struggle to keep them open at all. And when I breathe in the cold air, it feels like my chest is being stretched by a thousand little needles trying to expand my lungs from within. None of this can be healthy, and it's definitely painful.
• The driving. Winter driving just sucks. This is actually a 3-part problem. 
1. There's the obvious - slipping and sliding in the dangerous conditions. Last year I witness a 100-car pileup on the Pennsylvania Turnpike. Did you hear what I said? ONE HUNDRED CARS! And I saw it as it was happening. To say it freaked me the fuck out is an understatement. On a related note, the impact that this season has on my commute is just plain annoying. I have a long commute, that in the best of conditions, without traffic, has me spending 50 minutes driving one way to my office. In traffic, that becomes an hour or more. In the winter, the often trying conditions plus the extra people on the road (because vacation volume is lower and kids are in school), that commute can be as much as three hours. Yes, one way. My record is 4 hours. There wasn't enough wine in my house to make me feel better after that one. 
2. The extended drive time leads to an increased exposure to all that road salt and sand, and what they do to the exterior of my car makes me cringe. I bought a blue car, but for the majority of the winter, I drive a white one. My car is 4 years old, but the paint looks more like it belongs on one that is twice as old. I guess I should consider myself lucky that it's garage kept so the damage isn't any worse, but still.
3. Holy God, the potholes. I swear by the end of last winter there were a few that could have swallowed my SUV whole. Often I was left with the difficult task of having to choose hitting a pothole or hitting an oncoming car. Note to self, invest in a tire dealership before next winter.
   

• The hibernation. I consider myself a fairly social person, and though I enjoy alone time, I'm energized by seeing friends and family. I especially like being able to be out and about and run into people, because they're out and about as well. Even just walking down my driveway to get my mail can lead to some unplanned social time. But in the winter, no one wants to be outside, so no one leaves the comfort of their homes for more than just the amount of time they need to. Even outside exercise time is more limited. And that neighbor run in while getting my mail? It's pretty hard to do when I stop my car at the end of my driveway, leap out and fling the box open in one fell swoop, and jump back in the car as quickly as possible. People I might see almost every day from April through October I'll be lucky I see once after Daylight Savings time ends. Which reminds me....
• The dark. Monday through Friday during the winter months it is quite possible that I will not see the sunlight except for the glimpse I get through my office window. I often leave the house before sunrise, and don't make my way home until well after sunset. And it's not that my days are that long (well, kind of), but more that Daylight Standard time means shorter hours of sunshine. In addition to the cold, this contributes to the aforementioned hibernation problem. There's studies after studies to show what lack of natural light does to effect mood, vitamin intake, and crime rates. Bottom line, dark is bad, light is good. Me need sunshine.
• The ugly. The pure white snow does have it's finer qualities, but it never lasts long, quickly gunked up with dirt and road debris, or trampled with footprints and such. And when there's no snow on the ground, the ground is either muddy or hard, the trees are bare, and things that should be green - a bright and cheery color - are instead brown. Brown is the color of poo. 'Nuff said.
• The unpredictability. It's a complete crap shoot when you make plans whether or not the weather will or will not effect you. Vacation, work, school - doesn't matter. Winter's a heartless, selfish bitch, and when she wants to blow, she's blowing. As I mentioned earlier, the inspiration for today's rant is the vacation that I'm supposed to be on RIGHT NOW, but am not. The whole reason for booking the trip many months ago was because I knew that by late February I'd be so depressed and tired of Winter that I'd need a break. Ironically enough, the weather I was trying to get away from ended up screwing me into staying with it. Control freak that I am, a full season that lacks a measure of reliability in my life really, really pisses me off.
• The clothes. Layers and layers and layers of clothing, as well as the related accessories, leads to a season of feeling like Ralphie's little brother, that tick about to pop. 
  
  It takes longer to get dressed, longer to get undressed, it's harder to drive, and pulls more money out of my pocket to make sure I've got all the extra clothes that I and my children will need. Plus all that added bulk makes me look and feel, shall we say, thicker. Mamma needs no help in this department, thank you very much.
• The Fucking Cold. Think I covered this already, but I hate this part the most, so it bears repeating.

Winter, you are a BAD, no question, and no one will ever change my mind. But...I really don't enjoy wallowing in negativity. (I know that may be hard to believe, but it's true!) Since I do believe in a striking balance when possible, there are a few things about winter that I deem to be good. Well, they're at least ok, and they definitely give me some focus when I'm to the point of wanting to bash my head against a wall, a wall that's probably covered in ice. Here you go, a few "pro's" to help balance the Winter perspective:

View from my kitchen window to the backyard. The shed never looked better.

• Freshly falling snow, or snow that is fallen and untouched, is quite lovely. On the branches of the trees, on an unpaved, unwalked-in path. Really, it's beautiful and bright, and can be almost poetic.
• Snowmen are adorable, always.
• Sledding is fun. (Except that time when I broke my collarbone doing it. Oops, drifted back to Negativeland. Let me amend). Sledding can be fun when proper safety precautions are in place.
• A knit hat can be a nice and stylish accessory, while simultaneously making up for a bad hair day.
• The extra clothes do help cover all post-holiday excessive eating damage, and give some wiggle room while you work to undo those sins before spring.
• There's a certain comfort and calmness that comes from being wrapped up in a cozy sweater, sitting by a fire, and sipping a hot tea. Technically these could be done at any point in the year, but doing it in the winter feels the most right. 
  

So maybe then, Winter isn't a total "Bad." Maybe it's more of a "not good?" Let me ponder that as I peer out my window. Oh look, the neighbors dog just went running through the pristene snowfall on my front yard, stopping for just long enough to take a dump. That'll be a nice treat for me to clean up after the thaw. Yep, no question, this season sucks ass. 25 days until spring. But who's counting?

Blogfully yours, 
Julie

Hey Cupid, maybe take the weekend off.

2/14
I want to write a post about why Valentine's Day sucks. Why it's a stupid Hallmark holiday. Why there shouldn't be just one day dedicated to acknowledging your love for someone. Blah, blah, blah. But what could I write that hasn't been said a million times over by both the happily coupled, the miserable single, and everyone in between? Normally, at least for most of my adult life, this holiday has meant very little to me for all of the reasons above. That, and the simple fact that I've always been too lazy and cheap to want to do a whole thing about this day. Of course, if someone were to make a fuss over me, I'm sure I wouldn't say no. I'm female, after all. And who doesn't like chocolate? And flowers? Give me Reese's Peanut butter cups and stargazer lilies and pretty much anyone could have their filthy way with me.

So if I've generally not really cared about this stupid-ass holiday, why is it just bugging the shit out of me this year? Because I'm single? I've been single on Valentine's Day before, and yes it does sting just a bit more when I am, but that's not quite it. Is it because I'm newly single? Nope. Though it wasn't widely known, I was already post-marriage at this point last year. Ya know the stupid reason why??? Because it's Saturday. And it's not like I'm having a terrible night. I'm sitting on my couch, two of my four boys here with me, both deeply engrossed in some NBA all-stars thingy, while I'm cozy in my sweats, happily sipping (guzzling) my wine. Not a terrible night at all. But, Jesus, to be single on a Saturday Valentines Day just kinda blows. When my marriage was ending I hated any and all happy couples, but I'm over that now. Pretty much. Ok, I will be soon. Having a holiday shine a giant magnifying glass on those happy couples just makes me feel unlovable, undatable, and unchosen and frankly that feeling is just annoying the shit out of me today. Tomorrow I'll wake up, have my tea, workout, and feel better. But as for tonight...F U Cupid. Please hide your diapered ass away from me or I'm going to take that arrow of yours and shove it somewhere unpleasant. 

Hmmm. that was a bit rough. I'm not a love hater, I'm really not. In fact I am sure that if we all followed our hearts and stop listening to our heads, this world would be a far better place. And because I do believe that love is the best emotion in the world, and in the spirit of the "holiday," I'll close with just a few quick thoughts on the subject. 

• Everyone you know has something about them that is lovable about them. It's there, find it. You'll be happier for recognizing this and it may just get you through some otherwise unpleasant interactions. 
• Don't ever miss an opportunity to tell someone you love them. Ever. It can't be said enough because no one ever gets tired of hearing it. If you're in love with them, this is even more important. You might feel vulnerable for having done so, but that's an honest emotion. And at some point, you'll always regret not saying it. 
• The good book was right. Love IS patient, and love IS kind. Anything less is not love. Don't settle for less.

Words to live by...or not, what do I know. I'm the one sitting at home with 2 11-year-olds on Valentine's Day, drinking wine from a plastic "Pennsbury Falcons Football" cup. 
Blogfully yours, 
Julie

The Music Within

I think I’d be hard pressed to find someone for whom music doesn’t have the power to move them. By this point in my life you’d think I wouldn’t be so amazed at how much a song can instantly bring me back in time. or express something that  I haven’t been able to articulate myself, or elicit emotions long forgotten – good, bad, and  everything in between. It’s so, so much more than just pure entertainment. Obviously, there are some pieces of music that affect me more than others, but as I’m sitting here now, flying home from a business trip and a bit hung over from last night’s dinner celebration, trying to clear too many emails in my work inbox, I was just stopped cold when a piece on my CLASSICAL playlist made me go from the mindset of a 44 year business woman to that of the innocent 5 year old who’s still inside. 

It’s  Guitar Concerto in D Major, 2^nd Movement by Vivaldi. (Don’t I sound super intellectual when I tell you that I’m not only listening to classical music, but that I know the name of the movement? And that I correctly used the term “movement” when not referring to something my bowel might do? Sorry, back to my point....) 

From the first note I can feel my blood pressure drop and a warm sense of comfort and calm come over me. It happens wherever, whenever, however I hear it. Every, single, time. I also instantly get an image in my head of a beautiful flower, from stem to petals. dripping its dew seemingly in time with the guitar plucks of the piece. Am I that creative, that connected to classical works to have created this metaphor of imagery all on my own? Oh, please, have we met? No, no, I’m just not that deep and philosophical. I’m not sure if I should be ashamed or proud to admit this, but that is the scene created by Sesame Street back in the early 70’s, and it is indelibly etched in my mind. As I was growing up, I rarely had a chance to hear this, and didn’t exactly seek out classical as my go to music. Joan Jett, Def Leopard, Bon Jovi, Salt ‘n’ Pepa…much more my speed during my formative years. But on the rare occasions I did hear it, I was instantly back to that little girl, entranced and calmed by the music and flower. Recently, joyfully, I found the clip online, here.  

I had forgotten about the fact that the flower was revealed to be growing in the cracks of a city building, but it makes perfect sense to me now as to why the whole thing made such an impression. The calming music and the pretty flower subtly and strongly thriving against the backdrop of the crazy fast-paced city life.  It was such a beautiful and simple way of saying to young Julie “look, kid, life isn’t always pretty, but if you look hard enough, you can always find something that will make you smile. See this flower? It’s a fucking miracle that this thing surviving in a city clouded in a constant haze of 1970’s smog. So stop your worrying about whatever life throws your way and grow from it!” Now maybe that's now how I interpreted it back then, but whatever they did, it worked. 40+ years later, whenever I need a little calm in my day, this is the piece of music I seek out first.  

Kudos, Sesame Street. Not only have you given me the gift of peace and perspective, you managed to do it without the use of my beloved Cookie Monster. Bravo.

As I’m finishing up this post, my CLASSICAL playlist has ended, and my iPod has moved on to the next playlist - COLLEGE. The first song that’s just come on is the Fraternity Song by 2 Live Crew. Just as Vivaldi brought me back to my innocence, in my head I’m now back in my apartment at William Paterson College, smiling at the memory of dancing and singing along with my roommates and friends, probably a little (read, a lot) drunk. "Fuck, the Pi Lam! Fuck, fuck the Pi Lams!" A classic in it's own right. Sort of. Definitely not the same kind of lovely sentiment that Sesame Street and Vivaldi evoked in me, but what can I say, I’m a complex woman with eclectic taste who appreciates the peaceful sound of classical guitar just as much as the use of the word "fuck" in her music. And really, who doesn't?

Blogfully yours,

Julie