Winter, you're a...BAD!

When my stepsons were young, like three and four years old, they were fighting with each other one day, over something silly, I'm sure. Since their sibling bickering was not something new, we only half paid attention, mostly just to catch any signs of the fighting escalating into something more physical. And though this particular fight never got to that level, we could hear that Tyler, the younger of the two, was starting to get very frustrated with his brother Teddy. So much so that he was literally at a loss for words, wanting to call his brother a nasty name but tongue tied and annoyed. Finally, he got out the only thing he could come up with, yelling "Teddy....you're a....BAD!" It was so innocent, yet so perfectly expressed just how he was feeling, and we all understood exactly what he meant. From that day on, when someone or something has gotten me so beyond frustrated that I can't adequately articulate my exasperation, that is the expression of choice. 

So then, it is with complete aggravation that I say this - Winter, you are a BAD! And trust me, that is definitely the nicest thing I can say about you right now.  Because frankly, I fucking hate you, Winter. Yesterday, after the flight that was going to take me and my twins to sunny Florida was cancelled, thus ruining 5 days of vacation plans, I was irate, and so very sad. At first I blamed Mother Nature. But you know what, she brings me Spring, Summer, and my very favorite Fall. So I'm not going focus so much on that mythical bitch (hmmmm, guess I am still a little pissed off at her, too). Instead, I will try and keep my focus on just Winter, and why she is such a bullshit season. There are many reasons, but here's my main points:

• The cold. Cold air hurts. It HURTS! When I step outside, my skin shouldn't tighten in painful fear, but that's exactly what happens. The sting of the wind against my face feels like I'm being slapped over and over and over. I can't see, because my eyes tear from the bitter temperature and wind, so it's a struggle to keep them open at all. And when I breathe in the cold air, it feels like my chest is being stretched by a thousand little needles trying to expand my lungs from within. None of this can be healthy, and it's definitely painful.
• The driving. Winter driving just sucks. This is actually a 3-part problem. 
1. There's the obvious - slipping and sliding in the dangerous conditions. Last year I witness a 100-car pileup on the Pennsylvania Turnpike. Did you hear what I said? ONE HUNDRED CARS! And I saw it as it was happening. To say it freaked me the fuck out is an understatement. On a related note, the impact that this season has on my commute is just plain annoying. I have a long commute, that in the best of conditions, without traffic, has me spending 50 minutes driving one way to my office. In traffic, that becomes an hour or more. In the winter, the often trying conditions plus the extra people on the road (because vacation volume is lower and kids are in school), that commute can be as much as three hours. Yes, one way. My record is 4 hours. There wasn't enough wine in my house to make me feel better after that one. 
2. The extended drive time leads to an increased exposure to all that road salt and sand, and what they do to the exterior of my car makes me cringe. I bought a blue car, but for the majority of the winter, I drive a white one. My car is 4 years old, but the paint looks more like it belongs on one that is twice as old. I guess I should consider myself lucky that it's garage kept so the damage isn't any worse, but still.
3. Holy God, the potholes. I swear by the end of last winter there were a few that could have swallowed my SUV whole. Often I was left with the difficult task of having to choose hitting a pothole or hitting an oncoming car. Note to self, invest in a tire dealership before next winter.
   

• The hibernation. I consider myself a fairly social person, and though I enjoy alone time, I'm energized by seeing friends and family. I especially like being able to be out and about and run into people, because they're out and about as well. Even just walking down my driveway to get my mail can lead to some unplanned social time. But in the winter, no one wants to be outside, so no one leaves the comfort of their homes for more than just the amount of time they need to. Even outside exercise time is more limited. And that neighbor run in while getting my mail? It's pretty hard to do when I stop my car at the end of my driveway, leap out and fling the box open in one fell swoop, and jump back in the car as quickly as possible. People I might see almost every day from April through October I'll be lucky I see once after Daylight Savings time ends. Which reminds me....
• The dark. Monday through Friday during the winter months it is quite possible that I will not see the sunlight except for the glimpse I get through my office window. I often leave the house before sunrise, and don't make my way home until well after sunset. And it's not that my days are that long (well, kind of), but more that Daylight Standard time means shorter hours of sunshine. In addition to the cold, this contributes to the aforementioned hibernation problem. There's studies after studies to show what lack of natural light does to effect mood, vitamin intake, and crime rates. Bottom line, dark is bad, light is good. Me need sunshine.
• The ugly. The pure white snow does have it's finer qualities, but it never lasts long, quickly gunked up with dirt and road debris, or trampled with footprints and such. And when there's no snow on the ground, the ground is either muddy or hard, the trees are bare, and things that should be green - a bright and cheery color - are instead brown. Brown is the color of poo. 'Nuff said.
• The unpredictability. It's a complete crap shoot when you make plans whether or not the weather will or will not effect you. Vacation, work, school - doesn't matter. Winter's a heartless, selfish bitch, and when she wants to blow, she's blowing. As I mentioned earlier, the inspiration for today's rant is the vacation that I'm supposed to be on RIGHT NOW, but am not. The whole reason for booking the trip many months ago was because I knew that by late February I'd be so depressed and tired of Winter that I'd need a break. Ironically enough, the weather I was trying to get away from ended up screwing me into staying with it. Control freak that I am, a full season that lacks a measure of reliability in my life really, really pisses me off.
• The clothes. Layers and layers and layers of clothing, as well as the related accessories, leads to a season of feeling like Ralphie's little brother, that tick about to pop. 
  
  It takes longer to get dressed, longer to get undressed, it's harder to drive, and pulls more money out of my pocket to make sure I've got all the extra clothes that I and my children will need. Plus all that added bulk makes me look and feel, shall we say, thicker. Mamma needs no help in this department, thank you very much.
• The Fucking Cold. Think I covered this already, but I hate this part the most, so it bears repeating.

Winter, you are a BAD, no question, and no one will ever change my mind. But...I really don't enjoy wallowing in negativity. (I know that may be hard to believe, but it's true!) Since I do believe in a striking balance when possible, there are a few things about winter that I deem to be good. Well, they're at least ok, and they definitely give me some focus when I'm to the point of wanting to bash my head against a wall, a wall that's probably covered in ice. Here you go, a few "pro's" to help balance the Winter perspective:

View from my kitchen window to the backyard. The shed never looked better.

• Freshly falling snow, or snow that is fallen and untouched, is quite lovely. On the branches of the trees, on an unpaved, unwalked-in path. Really, it's beautiful and bright, and can be almost poetic.
• Snowmen are adorable, always.
• Sledding is fun. (Except that time when I broke my collarbone doing it. Oops, drifted back to Negativeland. Let me amend). Sledding can be fun when proper safety precautions are in place.
• A knit hat can be a nice and stylish accessory, while simultaneously making up for a bad hair day.
• The extra clothes do help cover all post-holiday excessive eating damage, and give some wiggle room while you work to undo those sins before spring.
• There's a certain comfort and calmness that comes from being wrapped up in a cozy sweater, sitting by a fire, and sipping a hot tea. Technically these could be done at any point in the year, but doing it in the winter feels the most right. 
  

So maybe then, Winter isn't a total "Bad." Maybe it's more of a "not good?" Let me ponder that as I peer out my window. Oh look, the neighbors dog just went running through the pristene snowfall on my front yard, stopping for just long enough to take a dump. That'll be a nice treat for me to clean up after the thaw. Yep, no question, this season sucks ass. 25 days until spring. But who's counting?

Blogfully yours, 
Julie