My Tomato Rules. Learn it. Know it. Live it.

If you know me at all, even casually, you probably know that my loathe for tomatoes is deep. It's not just the taste, but the smell, the feel, the very sight....all just repulsive to me. I know, I get it, I'm in the minority here. And I swear, I really wish it weren't the case, if for no other reason because I know that tomatoes are good for me, a healthy food that I would benefit from eating. Why can't it be mayonnaise or cheese that disgusts me so? Alas, it's not, it's these gel-filled, seedy, stinky, skin-that-pops when punctured, nasty-ass vegetables (or fruits, because apparently there's controversy about what class they actual fall into). They make me gag, especially in raw form. I recently heard a term for those of us who feel this way - we are "Mater Haters." LOVE THIS! 

But as much as in general I'm not a fan, the reality is that I'm not completely turned off by tomatoes. It's just that there are very specific parameters around how and when I'll eat them. In fact, I will and do eat them in some of their more processed forms quite often! I didn't actually realize, or, more accurately, wasn't able to articulate these conditions until few years ago, in response to an email discussion with a friend, in which I outlined my tomato rules. At the time I wrote them out for him, I was impressed enough with my ability to so instantaneously and easily be able to express these rules, as specific and ridiculous as they are,  that I saved them, locked in an email draft....until now. I've tweaked a bit for clarity, but here they are - the when, how, and why of  consuming tomatoes in the life of Julie:

- Absolutely, positively NEVER in raw form. The smell alone makes me gag. And like a princess sleeping on a pea a million mattresses away, I will taste that shit if you try and sneak it in.
- No stewed, roasted, sundried, etc.  Now you're just enhancing the raw version, and don't tell me otherwise. Nice try. It may be more "gourmet" or "recipe friendly" by doing this, but I'm out.
- Chopped and ready to use from a can or jar? So the slime has had time to ferment? Uh, yeah, that's not happening..
- Salsa - maybe, MAYBE if it's a crappy jar kind, but likely only as a quick dip for the chip, not for scooping or on brushetta or something like that. And definitely never fresh salsa. The smell caused by the otherwise perfectly good ingredients ruined from being swirled with the chopped raw tomatoes is, of course, nauseating. Why, WHY would you do that? The onions, the peppers, the cilantro...what did they ever do to you?

- Soup - Specifically, tomato soup. Though I love grilled cheese and am to understand that tomato soup is supposed to be it's ultimate companion, I just can't. Too smelly, and it coats my mouth weirdly. Sorry, a no go here as well. That being said, there is a window of opportunity when it comes to other tomato based soups like minestrone. Usually, those are are fine. Not surprisingly, though, I will not eat any chunks of tomatoes in the soup itself. Obviously.
- Ketchup - yes, of course, I'm not a complete crazy person. But I'd rather not smell it. And if it congeals on a plate for too long, like waiting in the sink to be cleaned, yep, I'm gagging again.

- Sauce (aka, gravy) for pasta, meatballs, etc - Now THIS is usually very acceptable. But not chunky. And no one will ever make it better than my mom using my grandfathers recipe. 

Well, there you have it. The rules by which I live. Sad. Yep, I know. But really, probably best that you memorize these. It'll save us both from a long and potentially embarrassing conversation (for me) in the future. 

Blogfully Yours, 
Julie